So many things are going on in our life right now - all good, thank goodness! 2010 was the hardest year of my life, since the death of my mother in 2007. I questioned so many things in my life: who my true friends are, God, the strength of my will, the strength of my marriage. It's because of my marriage that I got through the hard times and sadness of the last two years. Last year was the hardest year of grieving for my Mother. Last year was the year I was really angry about everything that had to do with her death so I abused myself. With food.
I know....food isn't bad like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes (kicked that bad habit!). But it really is as bad, if not worse. Why? Because it's readily available. It's at every store, every corner. We use food for nourishment, celebration, solace. I used it to drowned my sadness and anger. I would cook the most elaborate meals you've ever seen - for a family of 2 or 3 - and I would eat more than anyone and then go back for more! I topped out at 253 lbs. and realized it was time to fix some things. It was time to fix me.
I've now lost 30 lbs. (I gained some back but I'm working on it), I've quit smoking, I've become an "outdoorsy" kinda girl and I have found the best relationship with God, my husband and myself that I think I've ever had. I've come to terms with my Mother's death, 4 years later, and I no longer feel angry about it. I feel sadness at times that she's not with me to laugh with, enjoy a libation with, and act silly with. I feel sad that she's not here with my Dad, as I always took for granted she would be. I'm sad that she was never a Grandmother. I feel sadness that she never met my husband.
With all this sadness, good things have come as well. I have learned to go out on a limb and trust myself and my decisions, without my Mother's opinion. I've branched out and made new friends and reached out to old ones. I dated online and met my husband through the web. I've gained a new relationship with my Father, which is still growing and changing. I've rid my life of my Mother's toxic family and only surround myself with happy, loving people.
You ask, what is the point of all of this? I don't know. It's just things I've been thinking about (as I avoid studying for Accounting!). This is also how I ended up loving HCG and starting my blog. Don't let life define who you are. Define your purpose in life. Don't let food hold you down and control your life. Free yourself of all negativity and take control of your life!
As Always, Be True to YOU!
Hugs,
Heather
Our new addition, Penny:
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